What IS Networking?

It's a fair question to start with, no matter how long you've been at this. Networking is one of the most nebulous subjects in all of sales and career development, and the reason is simple: it deals in intangibles. Before we can go anywhere useful with it, we have to get on the same page about what it actually is — and, just as importantly, what it isn't.

Networking as a business activity has exploded over the last thirty years or so. I still remember the recession at the end of the last decade, when networking groups seemed to sprout up on every corner. Everyone, suddenly, was out to “network.” Which only sharpened the question nobody was really answering: what is the thing they were all so busy doing?

For our purposes — and yours — networking is a handful of plain activities. It's sharing knowledge, resources, and contacts. It's receiving advice and assistance from people you know, and giving advice and assistance to people who know you. And underneath all of that, it's leveraging your time to seek out and build long-term, prosperous relationships with other people. That's it. Notice what's not on the list.

Networking is not selling something. It is not landing a job. It is not seeking money, donations, or funding. It is not a business transaction, and it is most certainly not manipulating people to get what you want. The moment any of those creeps in, you've stopped networking and started doing something else — and the person across from you can usually feel the switch before you can.

“It's all about who you know”

You've heard that line a million times. And there's a version of networking that lives entirely inside it. The classic model treats people as contacts and runs like a chain: you know Contact A. Contact A gives you the names of Contacts B and C, and lets you use his name when you reach out. You meet B and C, they each hand you a few more names, and on it goes. From one person, you've collected six potential prospects. Pretty simple, right?

It can be. When it's done well, that kind of contact-building works beautifully, and I don't want to wave it off. Collecting names, numbers, and email addresses matters. The trouble is that it gets over-stressed and overrated, precisely because it's easy to explain and looks simple to follow. Books and articles differ on the specifics, but the bottom-line objective is always the same: get acquainted with as many people as you possibly can.

And as simple as that sounds, it can still be a painfully frustrating effort — especially when what you actually want is prospects right now. Here's where I'll ask you to be patient, because networking has a second face that gets far less attention and does far more work.

The two faces of networking

The more common face is building contacts. The other, harder, more valuable face is turning those contacts into relationships. Building contacts is generally treated as a short-term move; building relationships is a long-term one. And the most common mistake — the source of nearly all the frustration — is that most people don't bother making contacts until they need something. They need clients. They need a job. They want something, and they want it now.

I'll say more elsewhere about why you can't wait until you're hungry to plant your seeds. For now, sit with the distinction, because it's the whole game. Building contacts theoretically takes a few simple steps. Building relationships takes more — more time, more sincerity, more of you. It isn't the occasional phone call, the holiday card, or remembering the name of the person you met at last week's soccer game. And you cannot possibly build as many deep relationships as you can accumulate names in an address book or connections on LinkedIn. One friend who will genuinely go to bat for you is worth more than dozens of names you barely know.

It's quality over quantity. An old theme, I know. But old and true tend to travel together.

Building contacts: the visible, elementary part

In his classic job-hunting book Sharkproof, Harvey Mackay suggests you start with whomever you already know — every member of your club, your fraternity, your professional association is a contact worth a call. He's talking about affinity, and his advice is to use it to collect five contacts a day.

It's possible. It's also harder than it sounds, at least outside of a platform like LinkedIn, because affinity is relative. You might share a professional organization with a total stranger, but your involvement runs deep and his may be nothing more than a box his employer made him check. So don't be surprised if you call a fellow member and get a flat “Yes, we're both members. So what?” His lack of commitment makes it easy to dismiss you.

That's why your best connection to a stranger is another human being you both know and respect. Reach out using the name of her client, her colleague, or her friend, and she's far more likely to take the meeting — on the strength of the regard she already has for that shared connection. This is the heart of what I call a “one-to-one” (or “121”) — what used to be called an informational interview. Two people sitting down to trade information, insight, advice, and, when it's appropriate, names.

And it's here you bump into the awful truth about networking: not everyone you meet will feel comfortable connecting you to everyone they know. Think about what you're really asking. When someone hands a stranger a friend's name, they're putting their own reputation and relationship on the line. If you turn out to be unreliable, how does that make them look? We've all met people we wouldn't dare pass along to a trusting colleague. Some folks are more guarded than others, and every one of us uses discretion introducing new people to old friends. Which means there's always something missing from a brand-new contact — a deeper familiarity, an element of trust, a relationship.

Building relationships: simple, but not easy

This is the deeper face, and it's more challenging for a few honest reasons. Relationships are ongoing and sincere — you have some kind of continuing involvement with the person that reaches well beyond a first meeting in her office. And through that ongoing contact, people come to know you as a person, not a name. They learn your strengths and your weaknesses. They understand what matters to you, not from what you say but from what you do. They've taken the measure of your character. That's trust, and it takes time to build.

When you're eventually looking for an opportunity, someone who knows you that well can give you a reference as good as your mother's — without the obvious bias. But you can't chum up to every person you encounter. It's neither practical nor sincere. Building relationships insists on quality over quantity, and it always will.

What this actually comes down to

Let's put the “who you know” attitude in its proper place. In reality, the opportunities that matter rarely turn on who you know alone. They turn on three things working together: who you are (your integrity), what you know and can do (your qualifications), and how well another person actually knows you (your relationships). Contacts get you the first handshake. The other two are what carry you.

What this means to you is worth stating plainly. If you feel behind — if you don't have a deep bench of relationships in place — don't be discouraged. Relationships take time, yes, but there's a shortcut, and it's the whole reason networking works at all: you can borrow the relationships other people have already built. Those people are what we call Centers of Influence, and they're the subject I'll turn to next.

How Prospect & Flourish approaches this

In the program, this sits at the front of Module II, where networking gets treated not as a cocktail-party skill but as the deliberate, day-in-day-out work of the KNOW factor — the first step in the Know, Like & Trust sequence that runs through everything we do. The rest of the unit builds straight out of this definition: identifying and engaging Centers of Influence, becoming visible in your community, working the right referral structures, and eventually assembling your own personal board of advisors. None of it is about collecting business cards faster. All of it is about cultivating relationships that last. Get the definition right first, and the tactics stop feeling like a performance and start feeling like a way of doing business.

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